Mine
by Harlequintic
Summary: Clary has never hated someone as much as Sebastian. But, the pull she only ever felt toward Jace is now emanating from her brother as well. Clary is tearing at the seams as she tries to keep her life with Jace the same and cope with this newfound feeling for her brother. He'll be dead soon anyway...won't he? PostCoLS JacexClaryxSeb
1. Begin

"Lei è mia e solo mia." Sebastian's voice was low, dark and wouldn't be nearly as terrifying if he didn't have a sickening grin across his face.

Clary swallowed loudly, wishing she knew more Italian. From the way Sebastian had spat the words and Jace's eyes narrowed she knew it was nothing good. Maybe she didn't want to know Italian after all.

"Lei non sarà _mai _tua." Jace muttered in an equally grim tone. He looked like an angel of death. His eyes were narrowed to mere shining, golden slits and his curling hair hanging around his face. Gripped tight in his hand was a burning seraph blade, he had only seconds ago named _Zaphkiel._ And for maybe the fifth time, Clary felt like her legs might give out.

The three of them - Jace, Sebastian and herself - were locked into what Sebastian had called an Insigno. They were stuck in a scalene shaped force field. Jace and Sebastian glaring at each other from the far corners, and Clary stood at the northernmost corner, nearly between the boys and their angry staring contest. They had been in this thing for hours, Clary squinted against the wall of what looked like transparent seaweed fanning around in the wind - sometimes zipping around as if it was alive - to see the sun settling low on the horizon. She could also see her stele lying on the ground, a foot or two away. Her hands itched to reach for it, but they all had figured out early on that that was _not_ a good idea.

There were barriers that boxed them in, as well as separated each other. The barriers inside were invisible - like a wind gently but steadily blowing you backwards when you got too close - but the force field that looked like waving seaweed was very visible and very much _there_. Jace was first of them all to try to kick, punch and jump himself out. She could see from where she limply stood the burns the seaweed had laced into his clothes. He even tried to throw one of his daggers through the wall, whatever purpose that may have achieved.

It burned. The dagger went through one wall and Clary had watched, expecting it to come out and stick into the ground outside the Insigno. It vanished into a puff or swirling green smoke. Jace swore and said something about faerie magic and claimed he had heard of old traps forgotten in abandoned faerie territory.

So, here they were. Once the boys had realized they couldn't kill each other, they settled with bickering at each other. Most of it, Clary couldn't understand. They would insult each other in English, then veer off into Italian again, sometimes glancing over at her as if waiting for her to join in. She sensed they were talking about her and shuddered whenever Sebastian would flash a wicked grin her way. Really, she was too exhausted to care anymore. It seemed like an eternity since she'd been outside the Insigno, though the rational part of her brain figured it had only been about five or six hours.

"Tu sei un bastardo." Jace's voice rose, every word he spoke with force. Clary realized they had continued their conversation while she had let her mind drift away. Her eyes found Jace's face and he was staring hard at Sebastian, his face contorted by disgust.

"Io sono solo malato, se lei lotta." Sebastian's eyes flashed with something dark and the grin he already wore widened.

"She didn't. She loved _every minute_." Clary's head whipped around to Sebastian and his eyes were on her, raking her up and down as if he could see right through her clothes. A feeling of dread twisted up inside her stomach and stayed there. She was about to bark a few choice words that would make even a sailor faint when his eyes tore away from her body, sliding easily back to Jace, and he laughed aloud.

Jace had the seraph blade held above his head, bringing it down with a cry and connecting it with the invisible barrier. Her Jace looked lethal, his face all angles as he swung with strength no mundane would know what to do with. Though he was totally hot with all the will and strength pulsing through him, it wasn't enough. The blade bounced back and flung itself in the opposite direction, like a puppy running from the vacuum cleaner. The momentum brought both of Jace's feet from the ground and ending with him nearly landing upside-down on his head. Instead, he maneuvered his legs in the air and came to a tumble on the ground, summer-salting over and over until he could control his balance once again and came to a crouch on the ground. Then, back on his feet. His legs looked steady but his face looked like he was going to be sick.

The composure washed over him completely and he bored his golden eyes into Sebastian's empty, black ones. Light and Dark. Good and Evil. Hadn't Jace - her Jace - once said something about a _gray _area?

"I don't believe you." He said, simply. Sebastian lost his smile and his eyes became deadly serious, any light or amusement in them had disappeared.

"Would you like me to show you?" His voice deadpanned at the same volume he had been speaking in, but it sounded as loud as a shriek in Clary's ears.

"Show him what?" Clary inquired, taking a step away from Sebastian, as if she had anywhere to run. The dreading feeling in her stomach seemed to pop open like a cocoon, butterfly wings unfurling inside her. Except they were made of slippery, webbed skin. Tar black in color. And when they tried to flap, to escape from her abdomen, the wings curled backwards and wrapped around her stomach, squeezing and throbbing until she had to wrap her arms around herself. Neither boy quite noticed her, they were staring dangerously into each other's eyes. Staring so hard as if they were chatting inside each other's heads.

"Sebastian. Don't." Jace warned, he swung his seraph blade back and forth, though his grip was all the more tightening. Clary wondered if he could break it.

"Oh, but I don't want to be made a liar in front of my adorable baby sister." Clary stilled and turned slowly, wondering if it was just her imagination that his voice had come closer.

"Clary!" Jace shouted, but Clary was frozen. Sebastian was moving his hands to the dirt and grass, sinking them in to the wrists. Clary watched, bewildered yet curious. Her pain hadn't quite subsided, but the exhaustion had set in, sevenfold. They had been running after Sebastian for so long…maybe this was what he had planned to happen the entire time.

"_Who do we belong with but each other?"_

Clary's eyes grew wide as she saw him hold his hands under the dirt, chanting something that she couldn't make out. His voice had climbed a few notches and it sounded almost like he was quietly singing. A song that sounded like tinkling little bells - almost like a lullaby. It was then that she felt the air grow hot around her, not hot enough to make her sweat but enough to make her breathing feel hazy, as if the Insigno had turned into a greenhouse. Her eyes shut on their own accord and she felt herself sinking to the ground. Someone was shouting her name, begging her to…not to do something.

Something flashed in front of her, making her see dark red behind her lids for just a moment. A noise. Crunching. Like glass shards underneath a pair of shoes, edging closer to her.

"_Clary!_" Reality came jolting back to her as Jace yelled her name. Her entire body jumped and she sat up, becoming aware of her surroundings again. Her eyes landed first on Jace, his emotionless mask gone absolutely, replaced by emotions she had seen on his features before. When he yelled at her in Alicante, begging her to go back to New York in his own way. When he had shown up with Simon in Valentine's boat as she traced a mark on the wall of the ship. The terrified eyes he had stuck her with every time he had woken from one of his nightmares where he had killed her. It all swirled into one mask of surprise, worry, pain and anger.

A bubbling laughter caught her attention away from her Jace, carefully looking up to see Sebastian. He was looking down at her with a grin cracked into his pale face and an eyebrow raised. The pain in her stomach had fluttered away when she heard Sebastian's song. Now it was back. And she felt her jaw drop as she glanced back and forth between him and where he should have been.

"_How?"_ Was all she could muster. She realized that the song had left her body with no strength. She could barely arch her brow along with her question.

"You see, little sister," He raised his hands, palm towards the sky as if he was talking to heaven itself.

"The Seelie Queen grew much more fond of me than I expected her to. She gave me information to subjects I never even knew existed. She allowed me to traipse through their study areas like I was King. I learned much from her. So much. Faerie magic's like these-" He turned and looked around their cage with an emotionless gesture.

"They are very, _very_ simple for me to understand. Simple enough for me to use my mind and flip the barrier off like a switch. Simple enough for me to get back to you…" The dark tunnels he had for eyes softened like a real human's eyes might if they looked at something they loved. He knelt onto the ground in front of her, capturing one of her red curls and caressing it between his fingers.

"_Non_ la toccherai." Jace's voice growled out from behind her, and Clary yearned to look back at him, but Sebastian was too quick. He grabbed her chin and held it in place, trying to stare right through her skull, perhaps.

"Speak English, little brother. I don't think we need to _protect_ her from what were talking about anymore." One corner of his lovely mouth quirked up and he stroked the side of her jaw.

"Nothing is going to protect her from what happens next." His face inched closer to hers and she moved her chin away from his grasp. Clary tried to yank her face away from his, to be as far away as she could possibly be, but her bones were jelly, her muscles tired and nonexistent. Her move was a pathetic slide away from him, the butt of her jeans dragging against the dead grass.

"Clary, get up!" Jace urged her on more and more as Sebastian chuckled darkly, scooting a little to be back in front of her. Now, he didn't waste any time. He cupped his long hands around her cheeks and pulled her into his kiss. Clary's heart rate jumped and she tried to coordinate her limbs long enough to break Sebastian's perfect nose. She couldn't even make a fist.

The feeling of being kissed by her brother and having nothing she could do about it made Clary's mind shatter into a million pieces, trying to fit the pieces back together in a way that would make everything else go away. Her eyes were filling rapidly as she heard Jace's voice calling out to her, a touch of something she'd never really heard in his voice before. Hysteria.

"I could get used to this, couldn't you?" His grin touched his eyes, the way they did when he got something he really wanted.

"Don't touch me." Clary mumbled through the tears, though she held her eyes steady to his. Sebastian frowned and he reached forward, as if he wasn't thinking about it, and rubbed the pad of his thumb across her cheek where the tears landed.

"Don't cry, angel girl. It will be just like the dreams." He leaned closer to her, his warm breath stirring her hair as he spoke against her ear,

"_Only better_."

"_Get. Away. From. Her." _Clary was able to look back this time and saw a sight that broke her heart. Jace had several new burns in his clothes, some spots were stained red as blood seeped into the threads. His light hair was a messy halo around his head, his eyes wild with hate and his chest thundering up and down. In response, Sebastian spun Clary around to face Jace and she looked at him full on, letting the tears roll off her face and seep into the dirt below.

"I'm sorry." She whispered and hoped that he heard her over Sebastian's laughter. Her brother had stayed in the same spot, but wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"You hate it, don't you? Knowing that she's had so much fun with me, but no fun with you." He rubbed the tip of his nose along her neck and into her hair, taking a deep breath. His sadistic eyes never left Jace's face. He was getting off on Jace's pain.

"What…do you keep talking about?" Clary pushed the words out even though she felt a weight the size of an elephant on her chest. She felt like her lungs had collapsed and, by some kind of miracle, she still lived.

"What's that, sweetheart?" Sebastian let his gaze linger on Jace for a few moments more before he turned to her, nuzzling into her neck and making her entire body shudder.

"What the…_hell_…" Clary felt like she were choking on air.

"is all this…_crap_ about dreams?" Sebastian's face looked quizzical for a moment, then his face split into a grin.

"You really don't remember? The dreams I sent to you after you escaped me? I sent them nearly every week, little sister." The grin that was plastered on his face seemed like it was never going away. What was he so happy about? She didn't understand.

Clary didn't feel like trying to talk again, so she merely shook her head. If the gruesome smirk could get any bigger, it had. He lifted himself onto his knees, tightening his grip on her and moving his languid lips to brush against her ear, shudders returning to her body.

"You don't remember me coming to you in your dream? You don't remember meeting me in a meadow in Berlin? Nothing about lying in the white sand in Bora Bora? Lying in my bed in the apartment…" His lips were pressed against her ear now, whispering softly as his hand lowered from around her stomach to her thighs.

"While I gave you things you'd never had before…touched you places no other man has touched you…" He proved the point as he very gently slid his long fingers down the outside of her leg, then dragging slowly up the inside of her leg, stopping just before he got to between her legs. She gasped and shut her eyes tight, hoping Jace would do the same.

"You _screamed_ my name, Clarissa. Relentlessly.." His voice had become so low and his breath was hot and heavy against her shoulder, her neck, her face. Her stomach did flips as he inched his hand towards her spot. She was revolted to the point of possibly vomiting, and yet…she felt her blood course through her and throb in one place. Her body knew no difference.

"Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern." Clary raised her voice as high as the volume would let her, which sounded more like a growl than a shout. She had to catch her breathing before she could continue and Sebastian interjected.

"Why yes, that name." The smile was still on his face but his lids hung low, only speaking in quiet, rolling tones. She regretted saying his name at all as she slowly realized what it was doing to him. His heart was hammering against her back, his skin was white-hot and pin-and-needles against hers.

"Stop this…_right now._" Clary barked, hoping her voice sounded at least a little stern, authoritative. She knew he was laughing without hearing it, his chuckles vibrated through her back.

"Did you know…she's got this spot that makes her go absolutely wild?" Sebastian ignored her and watched Jace with calculating eyes. Jace wasn't defeated yet, but all he did was look around. He was trying to find a way out. As Sebastian called out to him, hatred filled gold eyes landed back on Clary. She nearly jumped, his stare was hard and gazing just above her head. Her heart was erratic as she felt Sebastian's hands move around her body, but she focused on Jace. He was gorgeous, even with the burned clothes and blood running along his bronzed skin. His scarred hands were at his sides, flexing open and closed and Clary felt the greatest urge to hold them in hers. To steady them and fix his messy hair, to tell him it was going to be alright.

As if sensing her thoughts, Jace's eyes snapped to hers, all the hate melting away. He gingerly walked as close as he could to the barrier between them and dropped to his knees. The pain that filled his eyes brought on a fresh batch of tears to Clary's face.

"I won't quit, Clary." He announced, Clary wincing. She thought he would whisper things to her, not let Sebastian in on everything. Sebastian made a dismissive noise and Clary pictured him rolling his eyes.

"I'll find a way out. I won't let him…" He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing, making Clary want to kiss it still.

"I love you." Clary's heart pounded harder than she could take. It took her breath away and she quietly sobbed, wishing she could wake up from this nightmare.

"I love y-you too." She felt like she screamed it, high into the heavens, but it came out as sobs. Just as she was moving her eyes to the darkening sky, praying to Raziel to help her once more in her life and never again, every nerve in her body sprung. Clary gasped and turned to look at Sebastian, who was locked onto her left shoulder. She felt his hands, one pulling down the sleeve of her sweater and one still around her waist, then his mouth. His mouth planting wet kisses up her neck, back down ending at her shoulder.

Sebastian's eyes were closed, his brows uncharacteristically furrowed, as if he was concentrating on every move he made. Clary was shaking from head to toe, willing him in her mind to stop. She wanted to fall away from him and go to sleep, her eyes fluttering closed and tears escaping down her cheeks.

"It never happened." She whispered, though her voice still shook. Those dark tunnels of eyes popped open wide and he stared at her incredulously.

"What?"

"The dreams. They _never _happened." Her eyes bored into his, making sure he could hear the finality in her tone. His face suddenly twisted into a furious expression and he clamped his hand around her upper arm, holding it like a vise.

"They _did._" He said, almost as if he was trying to convince himself.

"You kissed me and held me. You screamed my name and left scratches down my back. You were underneath me, letting me do as I pleased. You told me you'd never leave my side.…" His face became so close to hers, all she could see were the pitch black tunnels of his eyes.

"_You told me you loved me._" Sebastian hissed the words in her ear and for the first time, Clary could see the tiniest flicker of vulnerability under his stony mask. He was so lonely. And all he wanted was her.

The pity didn't last long.

"I _don't_ love you. I never will." Clary spat the words like poison dripping from her lips and regretted it instantly. Sebastian released her arm in a shove. A shove with so much strength she was thrown to the ground and slid across the dead grass before bumping into the barrier. She could smell her hair as it singed and let out a terrified squeal. All to quickly, Sebastian had her again, grabbing her by the ankle and dragging her back like a sack of potatoes. He was on top of her, then. Straddling her hips with his legs, hands on either side of her head. Much like the position in the apartment before she had nearly killed him.

"Fight him, Clary!" Jace's voice was drifting in and out of her range as she tried to shake the urge to vomit. She tried to remember her training and though it came to her easily, her muscles wouldn't listen to her. As if every part of her was weighed down and moving to simply place her hand on Sebastian's arm was like moving her hand through thick cement.

"Let me remind you of all the fun we had, little sister." Sebastian's breath poured over her face and Clary shook her head. No words, just shaking her head back and forth until the dizziness was too much for her to handle.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. You'll love it as much as you did then." He moved his hands to her waist, bringing his head down and nuzzling into her neck, leaving a hot trail as his tongue flicked down over her collar bone. Clary tried all her might to muster up some strength, reaching deep down into any kind of reserve she had. Her hands came up, pushing Sebastian off of her, but she could tell it was like a feather against a knife. He sighed, simply moving her arms down each and every time, continuing his trail down her throat, lower and lower, traveling between her breasts.

Her chest contracted and Clary let her head fall sideways, eyes filling with hot tears. She watched Jace, mouth things to her, different ways to get him off of her.

_I'm too weak. _She thought, mouthing the words for him. His face was a mute kind of angry as he stared into her eyes. There was an emptiness there that she wanted to get rid of. Hated it seeing in her Jace's beautiful golden hues. He let his head fall into his hands, clutching his hair so hard she thought it might rip free from his skull. Seeing him at the brink, Clary began to shake again. She was scared. Scared of this man on top of her, this man she was related to, touching her the way she had only ever wanted to be touched by Jace. She was scared for Jace, what would happen to his sanity if he had to witness the scenes that were to unfold. She was scared of the Insigno, so afraid of what Sebastian would do once he was finished with her. Would he leave them to die in their cage, like animals?

Clary tried to hold in her sobs and succeeded in most, but few escaped her lips, ragged and miserable sounding. She dragged her lids open to find Jace staring at her, his fist over his mouth and his eyes red rimmed. She didn't see any tears and she wondered why they were that color.

_I'm scared._ She mouthed, lips trembling. She felt like a weakling, a pathetic excuse for a Shadowhunter. She hated herself. Jace should just turn and look the other way, leaving her to loath herself as Sebastian took advantage.

But she saw in his eyes, his expression mirrored her feelings. She realized with a start that he hated himself. Not being able to save her from her sadistic older brother.

_I won't leave you._ His hand shook as he took them away from his mouth. Numbly, Clary stared at him for moments, wishing she could be with him. She flinched when she started to feel the movements of Sebastian's hands again, shoving underneath her sweater, burning fingers groping her naked back.

_What do I do? _Her eyes were squinted, her chin lifted away from her own body uncomfortably. Clary watched as Jace's teeth ground together and he continued pulling his hair as if it would give him and idea. Finally, his eyes flicked to Sebastian - who was too immersed in what he was doing to notice their conversation - then rolled back to her. His brows furrowed but his eyes were wide and he mouthed something Clary couldn't understand. She gave him a quizzical look and he sighed, staring hard.

_Pretend it is me. _Clary took a sharp breath, her eyes filling again. This time, she held it back. She didn't let them fall.

Sebastian, of course, took it the wrong way. He made a noise low in his throat and greedily kissed her mouth. She couldn't even bite hard enough to hurt him, she seemed to have egged him on even more. Clary's mind raced, feeling how wrong it was to think of these hands as Jace's, Sebastian's lips as her Jace's. She glanced at Jace once more, his face full of heart-shattering pain, then turned back to look at the sky. She took several breaths before she could actually bring the words to her lips.

"Brother." The simple word caught Sebastian's attention easily, his whole body stiffening. He lifted himself from her body and looked down at her, his head tilted slightly. He almost looked…innocent. Pale hair mussed from his actions, confused expression masking his features.

"Brother, please…" She gulped, meeting his eyes with her pleading ones.

"_Please_ stop." Her voice shook erratically and he simply stared at her, looking almost dumb-founded.

"Why? You love this, I know you do. Why would you want me to stop?" _Because you're my brother and this is sick and wrong and the guy I love more than anything else is watching you do this to me…_

"I don't love it. I don't even like it." Clary lazily looked at him through her lashes, hoping somewhere in him, Sebastian would realize how disgusted she was. There was total silence for awhile, Sebastian frozen above her and she wondered if she had struck a nerve. Her hope rose a fraction. Then, a smile that looked more like a sneer lifted his face and it all came crashing down.

"_Then I will teach you to like it._" He whispered, suddenly pulling a dagger from his belt and tearing it through her sweater, the sides falling apart and revealing her to him. Clary's eyes shut again, her head falling back in defeat. She could hear Jace's labored breathing but didn't dare look. She didn't want to see his face contorted into anger and pain. She started to drift, thinking of the times when his eyes were dark with yearning, holding her face and kissing her hard, then softly and slowly. She started to feel the hands on her skin as Jace's, tried to forget where she was and who was actually touching her. Nothing but gold and bronze filled her inner eye, holding onto the intimate moments she had shared with the love of her life.

Clary felt her heart beat behind her ribs and let herself go, spinning off to her imagination as hands slid down her waist and to the button of her jeans. Something inside her told her to be scared, but she resisted, concentrating on Jace's warm fingers running through her hair, sliding down her face and rubbing the pad of his thumb against her mouth. Automatically she parted her lips and she heard him take a sharp breath. His lips came down onto hers and she relished in it, mentally tossing away the red flags that popped up. Jace's tongue explored her mouth as it had before, hers hesitantly meeting his. His right hand was still caressing her face as his left went south, popping the button of her jeans loose and traveling lower. Clary's breathing sped and she bit her bottom lip. Her memories drifted to the night at the Bone Chandelier. Jace's hands moving over her body, his body pressed against her, riding her dress up her thighs, touching her everywhere except the one place she really wanted…_needed_…

Clary heard a gasp - realizing almost instantly that it came from her - and shuddered as she felt Jace's hand slip into her underwear and onto her core. He moved his fingers in small, slow circles and it aggravated her, that he would do such a thing so sluggishly. Clary arched her back, grinding her hips into his hand. She kept her eyes shut tight as she heard someone take in a sharp breath and someone chuckled darkly.

"That's my girl." Clary barely heard the voice over the blood pulsing in her ears. Her body seemed to move on it's own, instinctively moving towards Jace's hand, warm between her legs. She let out a little noise, like a sigh, barely audible, and the hand sped up. Jace's breathing became heavy above her and her lips parted, feeling something warm pool in her underwear. Suddenly, Jace stopped moving his fingers in circles and Clary whimpered from the loss. Her body had been humming, breaking down at every joint, but she was slowly losing the delicious feeling as he took -

Clary jumped and made a noise between a gasp and a squeak. She could feel Jace on her again, but instead of his hand flat against her core, one of his fingers was circling her opening. Slowly, so slowly, he pushed inside of her. A long moan escaped from her throat and she threw her head back, the buzzing inside her heightened so high she absently wondered if she might faint.

"Yes, Clary. You love it…you're so tight around me." Someone was whispering to her, but it wasn't Jace. She couldn't be bothered with anything except for what he was doing to her. Especially as he slid his finger out of her, then pressed it back in, over and over he did this. Clary's mind scattered, her hips leaving the ground and her mouth falling open in a silent scream. Her breaths were short and quick, once in awhile replaced by a moan. She ground herself into Jace's hand, her own hand clinging to his arm as he miraculously fit a second skillful finger pounding inside of her. The weight of him left her and she felt her jeans slip totally off her legs, her underwear being tugged lower, past her hips and ending up just above her knees. She felt something new touch her core and she arched, offering herself to Jace.

His fingers kept their rhythm, thrusting hard in and out of her, then something wet joined them, gliding along the hottest part of her. Her own moans rang in her ears as she clutched the ground underneath her. Jace's tongue ran along her core, finding a spot and catching it between his lips, sucking it into his mouth. He changed his rhythm, matching the sucking and flicks of his tongue with his fingers. Clary felt the frenzy inside her bubble up, reaching the surface, her entire body throbbing. She was going to fall apart in his hands.

Whatever had been building up inside her suddenly snapped, her eyelids fluttering and her head thrown back as she cried to the heavens and uttered high sounds she didn't know she was capable of. Clary felt herself squeezing Jace, but he didn't stop. His fingers still moved inside her, his tongue flicking against the spot that drove her to the edge. Suddenly he made a move to pull his fingers out of her and she grabbed the sleeve of his jacket, pulling it toward her and jamming his fingers inside her. Clary rode out the high with his fingers, moving her hips against him and clinging to his arm like a lifeline. Clary shuddered as the last pulses at her core finally stopped, she let her arm fall away, feeling absolutely drained. Jace's hand left her empty, but she still felt warm, content.

She heard someone chuckle again and a strange suckling noise. She didn't care, much. The high of what she just felt was like a low buzz in her ears, her body tingling all over the place. Clary felt better than she ever had, even the battle high she would get when fighting demons. It was delicious exhaustion, heart beating like it never had before. The dark behind her eyelids the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

"Jace…" She sighed, letting her eyes flutter open…

Her face suddenly whipped to the side, stars exploding in front of her eyes and her body rolling over and over until she laid on the ground, face down. She tasted blood leak into her mouth, bitter like poison and something warm and sticky was left on her cheek. Clary groggily lifted herself from the ground, pulling her underwear up as she searched for what hit her, confusion marking her face

Reality, as it always had for her, came crashing down like an avalanche. Sebastian was coming towards her, his face dark as he licked and sucked his fingers clean. Clary's high instantly disappeared and she turned to find Jace. Sebastian grabbed her chin hard, yanking her head up roughly to meet his eyes. Furious. That was the only way she could describe his face.

"Don't you _ever _say his name when I am giving you such pleasure." His angry eyes bored into hers and she cried out softly as his grip tightened on her chin.

"He could _never _give you what I just gave you. Only I will make you feel that good. You loved it. You _love me_. I can feel it in you, taste it on you…" His eyes darkened if at all possible and he licked his perfect lips. Clary's lids drooped and she tried not to cry, tried not to show the surprise she felt when she actually thought her and Jace had been…

"I'm going to kill you." Rang a voice behind them and Clary's heart jumped into her throat and she fought against Sebastian's hold to turn and see him. Her Jace, sitting in the same position he had been when she had drifted off to Dream Land. Her heart sang, reaching out to him, wanting to say so many things. But she couldn't. She could barely breathe just looking at him.

He had a lethal glare picked out for Sebastian, his teeth bared like a werewolf's. Sebastian merely raised his eyebrows, an amused spark in his eyes.

"I won't do it right away. I'll leave your cowardly ass to hide, but I will find you. And when I do, you're going to _wish you were dead_." Jace's eyes narrowed to golden slits and he looked absolutely horrifying. Sebastian's eyes narrowed just the same, but his mouth curled into a smile and he opened it to argue - maybe agree, who knows -

"No, Jace." Clary interrupted before they could start at each other any more. They both looked at her, confusion written on their faces as plain as day. She turned to Sebastian and put her hands on his chest, tilting her head to look up at him through her lashes.

"He was right. It felt good. I…I liked it." They were both silent and Clary couldn't bare even thinking about what Jace's face might look like. Sebastian's smile returned, wider than before and his eyes softened as he knelt down before her.

"I knew you'd love it. I knew you loved me and not _him_." Sebastian's face became somewhat serious, holding her upper arms hard. His wide eyes seemed to look through her as he gave her a little shake.

"You are _mine_, Clarissa. You have been since the day you were born." He pulled her to him none too gently, snapping his eyes shut and slamming his mouth against hers. It was odd, to keep your eyes open when kissing someone. Felt foreign to be able to see such a relaxed look on her brother's face as his lips harshly moved against hers. Clary kept up with him, matching each move he made against her mouth and gently sliding her right hand down his chest, across his abs, down his thigh finding it's resting spot on his knee. He made an encouraging noise in his throat and his hands let her go, gently moving to the nape of her neck. Clary's hand slowly inched off his leg and to the ground. As if he had expected it, Sebastian's eyes opened just as she snatched his dagger he'd forgotten on the ground, brandished it like an archangel's sword and jammed it into the left side of Sebastian's chest. His scream was gruesome and Clary knew as soon as it rang out in the Insigno she would never forget it. Then again, she was never going to forget a lot of the things that transpired in this damned cage.

Clary didn't give it a seconds thought as she sprang up, the spell Sebastian had chanted must have worn off sometime during their "session", she grabbed the stele that hung in his belt and bolted for Jace, keeping her eyes off of his face. She didn't think she'd ever be able to look at him again.

"Yes! Clary, by the Angel, you are amazing!" She wanted to comment to Jace how he should hold his applause, any second Sebastian would be on her and probably slit her throat with the dagger. Her mind raced quickly examining their surroundings, the Insigno.

_What to draw? WHAT TO DRAW?_

Clary glanced at Jace, frowning and immediately traced a shaky rune, the dead grass easily burning under the tip of the stele. A portal formed in the ground and she clenched her hands into fists, staring at the ground rather than Jace.

"I'm not going far. I won't - " _leave you. _Clary tried to say, but she couldn't repeat his words form earlier. They made her cringe and tears well in her eyes. Before he could say a word, she stepped into the Portal.

Just. One. Setback.

Sebastian tunneled into the Portal after her, her bare leg snagged by his outreached hand. Clary kept her eyes closed. She always hated the darkness and suffocated feeling of Portaling. She popped out next to an abandoned farmhouse, the one she had studied and wished to paint in the first hours of their containment in the Insigno. She could see Jace, watching her and yelling something, pointing at what looked like above her…?

"Clarissa." Sebastian gnarled behind her, grabbing her by the sorry excuse of a sweater that still somewhat covered her and throwing her backwards. She yelped as dirt and rocks scaled her skin and her head knocked into a tree. Before he could get back to her, she immediately turned onto her stomach and started drawing for another Portal. She was half-way done when a boot kicked her hand, the stele soaring from her grasp and landing somewhere she couldn't see. She was suddenly very concerned with her broken wrist and the hands pulling her onto her back.

"Look at you. Running around in the gravel, not even any clothes on. Dirty girl you are, little sister." Sebastian came down and straddled her again and her eyes instantly watered, tears clearing up some of the sting of dust and dirt in her eyes. The wild look in his eyes were the epitome of insane, evil. He leaned down to her ear, Clary trying all her might to press the side of her face in the dirt, wishing she could sink through the ground and be gone from the world.

"You'll never escape me, Clarissa. I'll always be here. _Always._" He kissed a tear that escaped her eye then, surprisingly, got up. Clary quietly nursed her wrist, wishing she had the stele to draw an _iratze_ on her arm. The pain was nearly excruciating. Her eyes snapped up to Sebastian as he grabbed her arm, hauling her onto her feet.

"Now, little sister…" His lips curled into one of those smiles that made her skin crawl.

"You were very bad, hurting your big brother. I have to punish you." Clary's adrenaline shot into high gear as she realized he was bringing another dagger from his belt. She tugged at his viselike grip to no avail. He twisted her, meaning to take the remains of her sweater off. As soon as he was distracted by undressing her, she slipped from his grasp and took off. Her stele wasn't far, if she could just reach it and make another portal…

She didn't make it far. Sebastian grabbed her busted wrist and wrenched her backwards, hard enough to make her feel like he had ripped her hand clean off her arm. She screamed in agony as pain lanced from her shoulder all the way to her fingertips. No time to recover, she was still crying out when Sebastian suddenly came upon her, grabbing her arm that was still intact, twisting around and pinning her against a tree. He snapped her left arm out straight, locking it in place and baring the underside of her forearm.

"Get off me!" She yelled, using her elbow and knees to find a point that would hurt him. He didn't even move. She continued struggling, her eyes darting around her to find something, anything to help her. Very suddenly her train of thought shattered, lust like it had inside the Insigno when he touched her. Except this time, it wasn't a good feeling. It was searing, hot pain. She screamed a string of curses arching her back away from the tree, bark cutting into her shoulder blades as she bucked into her brother.

"Shhh, nearly done." Tears burned at Clary's eyes for the umpteenth time that day and she shook her head, bewildered. Why would he even try to fake a consoling tone? He was a monster in human skin. He had no kindness in his heart or his demon soul. She couldn't believe she ever held any sort of pity for this…thing that called himself her brother. Clary yelled and screamed and begged for him to stop. Eventually, the pain tracing her arm eased a bit as he removed the dagger from her skin, but the entire wound was throbbing.

"One last touch." Sebastian said, smiling wickedly as his hand searched through his pocket. He brought out a small, crystalline bottle full of what looked like tiny grains of black sand. He brought it to his mouth, pulling the cork out with his pearly teeth and spit it to the ground.

The next thing Clary felt made her re-think what pain was. Her wrist wasn't excruciating, the pounding headache coming on wouldn't even classify as annoying as she felt the burn of the black sand. Sebastian emptied the entire contents of the bottle on her arm and it immediately sizzled on her flesh, burning so hot she felt her skin tear by it's seams. Clary howled in pain, shrieking so loud that she didn't recognize her own voice in her ears. She thrashed against Sebastian, horrified as she saw the black sand bubble up, burning her skin like demon ichor, then suddenly sparked.

"Quiet down, little sister. Let it work." Clary sobbed, spitting random things at Sebastian, cursing him to hell, kicking the backs of his knees in hopes he would drop. It was like kicking a marble statue. He held her in his strong hands, holding her in place as a flame erupted on her arm, her screams filling the silence of the night. Clary felt decades go by before the ichor substance burned out like candle wax, her arm reduced to a blackened slate. Sebastian cast it away from him and Clary held it to her body, trembling from head to toe as she wept silently. No pain had come close to what she had just felt. Never before. Too quickly, Sebastian was on her again, his hand clamping around her throat, giving only enough slack to heave small breaths into her aching lungs.

"It's perfect." He announced proudly, casting his eyes down and admiring her charred arm. Clary lay against the tree, both her hands useless to stop him from killing her on the spot. She wheezed as she closed her eyes, praying to the Angel that Jace wouldn't watch her die…

"You belong to _me _now." Sebastian growled into her ear, trying to scare her more than she already was. She refused to flinch, refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing any emotion on her, so she stayed completely still and willed her tears to stop. Sebastian took a deep breath and she felt him close to her face, his thumb tightening against her wind pipe. _I love you, Jace_…

There was a loud whirring sound, the dead branches above Clary and Sebastian whipping around in the sudden strong winds. Clary's eyes popped open and she saw a Portal lighting the area, the only light besides the moon high in the sky. Dark figures clambered out one by one until there was a group of five people standing around each other, eyes immediately picking out the siblings. Clary saw the familiar faces and felt her heart skip a beat, her stomach jumping and flipping as if it was cheering.

"S-Simon!" She wheezed as loud as she could, her eyes locking on his shocked face. As witchlight stones were being lit she heard gasps in the crowd and a clatter of metal against metal and a zip-like noise. The sweet, sweet sound of Alec loading his bow.

"Let her go or I hang you from the tree by your skull." Alec's face wasn't it's usual emotionless mask, it was hard and almost protective, as was his voice and Clary's heartbeat was a song of love and hope and relief.

Sebastian turned back to her and with her newfound strength she raised her chin and stared back at him. His expression was somewhat angry, but mostly he looked bored. Like a child being scolded for gouging out a cats eyes for fun. He pressed down harder on her throat, a small squeak leaving Clary's lips as her oxygen was cut off.

"You are _mine_. You belong to me and _only me_." He growled it at her like a warning, savagely crashing his mouth over hers before letting go of her and abruptly stepping away.

"Well, it's been fun, little sister." Sebastian said it conversationally, shooting a wary glance at her friends, then returning his gaze to her. His mouth split into a wide grin as he looked over her beaten, shaking form.

"See you soon." He reached his arms as if to clasp his hands together, but Clary knew about his ring.

"Alec, shoot him!" She cried, and an arrow immediately flew through the air, cutting through - nothing. Clary's matted, red curls whipped around her head as Sebastian vanished, leaving nothing but boot prints in the dirt and the arrow that was supposed to be imbedded into his brain. Though he was nowhere in sight, he was in her mind's eye. A pathetic voice in her head wondered if it would've been better had he just killed her.

Hands were on her instantly, someone rubbing her shoulders, someone caressing her cheeks, giving them gentle slaps, someone snapping their fingers in front of her face…

"Clary. Clarissa Fray, snap out of it." With a start, she realized it was Magnus. There were worried faces wherever she turned and she sucked in a deep breath.

"Jace!" She shouted, most of her friends stepping back as she yelled. She didn't seem to be able to control her volume.

"Jace is still in the Insigno! Help him, get him out!" She was frantic, pointing her good hand towards where she could barely make out the swaying seaweed entrapment in the dark. Alec and surprisingly Maryse took off to where she had gestured and Clary watched them go, hearing Isabelle suck in a breath and say words she didn't hear.

"What?" She asked, her wide eyes finding Isabelle's anxious and disgusted face.

"What happened to your arm?" Clary glanced down and held back relieved tears.

"I-I broke my wrist." She mumbled, tipping her head towards her right hand, cradled against her stomach. Clary thought she would cry, weep and pass out on the dirt floor. But, she felt oddly awake, the exhaustion she felt earlier lost somewhere in her adrenaline.

"No, I mean your other - " Isabelle was interrupted by Simon wriggling around.

Clary yelped when something soft came over her head without warning. She struggled at first, but soft hands helped her rearrange herself and as her head popped out of the hole on top, she saw Simon, grimacing as he pulled his hoodie over her nearly-naked body. His hands went to her face, pushing the knotted curls away and settling on her cheek. His touch was cold and she leaned into it, the bruise from Sebastian's back-hand had swollen her cheek more than she realized.

"What happened, Clary?" He whispered, his eyes full of something Clary couldn't place. Before she could answer, Magnus interjected in his usual, loud voice.

"I think she'd be able to explain it to us a little better when she isn't in any kind of _immense pain_." His yellow cat eyes looked pointedly at Isabelle and her face was a nothing but business as she snatched her stele out of her belt, tracing an _iratze_ on the inside of Clary's injured wrist after Simon had gently rolled up her sleeve. There was nothing but crickets quietly chirping as Isabelle worked, drawing a few other Marks that Clary didn't pay attention to.

She could hear Maryse Lightwood's voice cut through the dark. At first, Clary thought she was shouting at Alec, but as she listened and heard no response to her yelling, she realized she must be talking on a phone.

"Get him down here _now_. My son is inside this…_thing _and has been trapped for _hours_."

Chirping crickets.

"I could not care less what the reasons to it are. It is _inexcusable. _We could not track him, we had no idea where he was. What if a mundane had happened upon it? Get Meliorn down here _now_." There was a snap and Maryse uttered a loud sound of frustration, apparently chucking the phone to the ground. Clary's attention came back to the three in front of her, Isabelle, done with the marking, stowed her stele back into her belt and was watching her face with an inquisitive look Clary saw so often on her features. Simon had taken to holding her hand, rubbing his thumb along her knuckles and Magnus simply stood there, the only emotion in him being his furrowed brows.

Clary took a deep breath and retold the events of the past ten hours. Her and Jace suddenly finding clues, being able to track Sebastian as if he flipped a switch and made himself traceable. Chasing after him for awhile, getting so close, but always a step behind. Finally they had spotted him, yet as soon as he was in arms reach, the barriers exploded between them. She told them about the hours of arguing between Jace and Sebastian, then her brother erasing the barrier between her and himself. A shudder wracked her body as she skipped over the memory of Sebastian looming over her, defiling intimate places. When she finished the story she felt terribly filthy and it didn't help that her audience was gaping at her, jaws dropped.

Magnus was the first to speak, his voice quiet, troubled.

"Could I see your arm, Clary? The one he poured the sand onto?" Clary nodded, hissing as she carefully peeled the hoodie sleeve from the blackened underside of her forearm. Simon and Isabelle followed Magnus' suit, bending over her arm and making little noises of surprise.

"Some kind of demon magic." His eye squinted, trailing his hand lightly along the side of her arm, blue sparks darting from his fingertips as he went. The layer of ash on her arm slowly disappeared, evaporating in the air and as the cuts on her arm became clear, Clary's knees buckled underneath her.

Simon was there, swearing mutedly as his arms caught her mid-drop. She felt her eyes open so wide she was afraid they might pop right out of her skull. There, carved into her arm, were three distinct letters.

JCM

Clary couldn't hold back the bile that flooded her esophagus. She spun away from her friends and let loose the contents of her stomach. Simon had one arm around her waist and one hand collecting her hair and holding it at the base of her neck. Nothing but acid left her lips for a few minutes, eventually she felt empty and she dry heaved until her stomach stopped contracting.

"I'm okay…I'm - " Clary weakly waved away Simon's frantic questions, not quick enough to stop him from wiping her mouth with the sleeve of his own shirt. She was going to beg Magnus to take her brother's initials off of her arm when she was distracted by the movements coming towards them in the dark. She scanned the area and only saw dead grass, trees, dirt. The Insigno was gone.

Clary's heart stayed slow but beat against her ribs hard, feeling it in her entire chest. Jace was what was coming at them at such high-speed. Running to them. Running to her.

"Take me home." She whispered urgently to Simon, her eyes not leaving the spot where Jace was moving toward her in the darkness.

"What? Clary, I think they got Jace out. Don't you…" He trailed off, tilting his head down to look at her.

"Take me _home_." She repeated, her lips quivering and her bare feet automatically taking her backwards. Her eyes jumped to Simon, staring, waiting for him to whisk her off. Clary didn't know what she expected him to do, but he simply stared at her, confusion written all over his face. She could hear the quick steps now. Booted feet crushing grass and kicking rocks as they came closer. Clary shrugged out of Simon's arms, stepping back as she shook her head. She felt Isabelle's hand touch her arm as she passed her, Magnus simply watching as she edged deeper into the darkness.

He arrived into the light, and the two bobbing witchlight stones behind him joined, Maryse and Alec looking weathered from trying to keep up. His eyes, even more magnificent lit up by the witchlight, searched each face, landing on hers last. His expression changed in seconds. Relief, confusion, anger, understanding, then the hard mask she always saw on his features. Those golden eyes shined under his long lashes as he set the look on her and her heart took a dive.

"Clary…" Jace uttered her name softly, cautiously. She took off. Twisting on her heel she bolted headfirst into the darkness. She couldn't face him. There was no way. Her legs burned, muscles crying out as she sprinted. Clary definitely felt like she got far, but that could have been the illusion her exhaustion had suddenly placed on her. The whole group had dashed after her, excluding Magnus who slowly made his way, keeping his distance from everyone else. Clary was nearly knocked to the ground as Jace crashed into her, his arms securing her against his chest. She struggled feebly, but Jace was strong. He was nearly crushing her.

"What has gotten into you, Clarissa?" She heard Maryse inquire, but someone shushed her and the silence was filled by labored breathing. Clary hung in Jace arms like a rag doll, wringing her hands as she tried to hold the tears back. He very suddenly spun her around and his eyes probed her face.

"Clary. Clary please look at me." Clary kept her eyes cast down toward the ground, her chin trembling slightly.

"_Clary_." Jace begging with her name sent her off the edge, tears raining down her cheeks like they'd never stop. Jace took several sharp breaths, as if he wanted to yell, to scream and Clary hoped he would. Instead, he pulled her to him and enveloped her in his warmth. Everything was Jace. The strong arms wrapped tightly around her, the hand smothered in her hair, the rapidly rising and falling chest that held the erratic heart. The smell of sunshine and sweat, the firm body pressed against hers…

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Clary's voice was very high when she was attempting not to sob while she spoke into Jace's neck. She felt his entire body stiffen and he pulled back from her, his wild eyes shining with something other than surprise.

"Why in the world would you be sorry?!" His voice was loud, but she didn't flinch. She clung to him and pulled him back to her, crying into his shirt.

"You were magnificent, Clary. You were wonderful. I wish I had…I could've gotten out of that damned thing and…" His voice broke and he buried his head into her hair, gripping her to his body as tight as he could without fusing them together.

"I'm sorry Clary. I'm so, so sorry." Jace shook his head, a dark sigh shuddered out of him. He was remembering it. She knew it would kill him and she didn't do anything about it.

They stood like that for a long, long time. Eternity they spent holding onto each other for dear life and waiting for their hearts to return to normal rhythm.

"Clarissa?" A single voice sliced through the silence and they broke apart, Clary finally meeting Jace's eyes to see they were rimmed with red like they had been in the Insigno. They turned to find everyone rather awkwardly looking anywhere else besides them. Fleeting glances at their faces, then back at the ground, or the sky, or the hem of their shirt. Maryse was the one who spoke, taking a hesitant step forward, though the rest of her was all business, as it had always been.

"Clarissa, Jace. The Clave is going to want to speak to you about this incident. Time is a factor in things like this and - " 

"Not tonight." Jace interrupted, his arm holding Clary around her shoulders. Maryse looked at a loss for words for a moment, but she raised her chin and her lips parted, ready to give an order to Jace.

"He's right, Mom. Not tonight." Alec said, stepping up to his mother, his mouth in a grim line.

"Nothing good happened here. They need time to recover." Alec rubbed at his collar bone, where Clary knew his _parabatai_ rune was etched. For the second time tonight she sincerely wanted to give Alec a hug. Maryse looked wired.

"What do you want me to do, Alexander? Keep _another_ thing from the Clave? Get us exiled, your Marks stripped, become mundane - " Jace cut off her rambling with one hand raised into the air.

"Tell them…" He muttered, trudging slowly with Clary tucked in the crook of his elbow.

"Tell them everything. Every detail, I don't care. Also tell them that the girl I love is injured, and that neither her nor I am available for questioning tonight." His voice was simple, but his expression agitated. Clary wasn't listening to any of it. She clung to him and took him in, breathing his scent, listening to his steady heartbeat. They walked together, holding one another tight as if they'd never let go. They found themselves immersed in the darkness, Clary gingerly picking her stele from off the ground and gripping it in the hand that wasn't wrapped around Jace. His silence hurt her. Knowing exactly what was running through his mind, she cringed.

As Clary brandished her stele, she slowly knelt on the ground to make a portal. She was ready to go home. Beyond ready. But, someone's large hand came down on her shoulder and she nearly jumped out of her skin. The tan hand belonged to Magnus, turning over to help her up.

"I'll do it." He said quietly, simply giving a wave of blue sparks and a Portal opened up to them. The trip was quick, landing at the Institute and shuffling in. She barely got a few parting words to Simon and Magnus before Jace had hauled her inside. The Lightwood siblings hovered after them, Alec repeatedly asking Jace if he needed an _iratze_ or anything medical, Isabelle a few steps behind Clary, awkwardly rubbing her back mid-step. Jace ignored them, swiftly pulling her through the cold halls to his room. He was just about to shut them in when Alec's foot stuck between the door and the dam.

"You're hurt. In more ways than one. Let me help you." Alec's voice was quiet but Clary could hear the worry that wracked through him.

"I can take care of it myself." Jace demanded, Clary saw his knuckles whiten as he gripped the knob of the door.

"Jace. You're not alright. At least let me - "

"Alec, _go_." Clary peeked around Jace's shoulder and was surprised she didn't see hurt on Alec's face. Instead, it was all hard defiance and the look he so often gave Jace when he was worried about him. They stared at each other for a long time until Jace sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he spoke.

"I'm sorry. I know, you're my _parabatai_, you feel what I'm feeling. But - I just need to be alone right now. Alone with Clary." There was a few more seconds of silence, then Alec slid his foot away from the door, turning and marching down the hall. Jace shut the door, silently turning to her and wrapping his arms around her. She shivered in his grip, and pushed away.

"No, Jace. I…" He looked at her with a strange mix of pity and guilt and she had to turn away from him. _Like staring at the sun…_

"I need a shower." Clary gasped, twisting out of his reach and scrambling for the bathroom. She slammed the door shut and slowly sunk down to the floor. She felt like she was covered head-to-toe in sludge. Being touched by Jace only made her feel dirtier, as if she was accidentally passing the grime to him with just a touch. Her clothes came off in a whirlwind of shudders as she made her way to the shower, cranking the water as hot as it would go. She still felt like ice had replaced her blood.

As soon as she was fully disguised by the stream, she let the tears loose once again. Clary wondered if she'd ever feel clean again…is she'd ever forget what happened today…if she'd ever even go a day without tears rising to the surface. The smell of Jace's soap as she scrubbed her body raw was enough to make her choke and sob on it's own. The bubbly foam usually made her relax, smelling Jace everywhere, even on her. But this time, it made her stomach twist in pain and her hands shake with disgust.

"Clary." She jumped at Jace's voice, glancing out the bumpy, tempered glass shower door. She was silent, her eyes trying to watch his distorted movements. Suddenly, he got closer and the door slid open, revealing Jace in just a pair of gray boxers. He saw her nervous expression and he shook his head, his eyes staying at her face and going nowhere else.

"I'm not going to do anything. I just…I want to be with you. I can't be away form you, Clary. Not right now. I just…can't." Jace's face showed all of his vulnerability and Clary laid a flat hand against her chest, trying to soften the pain in her heart. She couldn't speak or she knew she'd turn into the blubbering mess she was back at the farmhouse. She simply nodded.

Jace eyes seemed to glaze over as he stripped off the rest of his clothes and stepped in, towering over her, making her feel like she was two-feet-tall. His hand came up and very tentatively stroked down her wet hair. Clary shivered, letting her eyes fall shut and basking in the warmth of the water on her back and the warmth radiating off of Jace in front of her.

"I'll do your hair." He murmured, planting a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

**A/N: Not sure if I'll be continuing this or leaving it at that. We'll see how long my sanity lasts while I'm waiting for CoHF.**

**Until we meet again…**


	2. Trovami

**A/N: Just to clarify a few things real quick;**

**Nearly everything is as it was in CoLS. This is a mere continuation.**

**Jace does not have super-special angel light in him. I'm obliterating that because I think the only real reason CC did it was to hold out on all the sex we've been waiting for.**

**Magnus and Alec are still broken up, but I like to believe that Magnus has some good in his heart and would still do things for Clary since they go back.**

**If there's anything I missed that needs explaining, review with them questions!**

**Other than that, review and tell me if you like. If I don't get feedback, I won't know if you guys are into it…**

* * *

Clary's thoughts weren't where they were supposed to be. She was in the Institute, in Jace's room, but her mind was far away. Most of her thoughts were of beautiful landscapes. So many memories of Idris, rolling green hills, scattered trees with their changing leaves, the deep, dark mass of water known as Lake Lyn. Of course, the spiraling glass fixtures atop the buildings in Alicante, the fountain in the square, the beautiful marble of the Accords Hall, the glowing demon towers…

Like a tidal wave, they came again. The memories of fair hair mussed by the wind, the ominous chuckle with no source, continuous flashes of bottomless black eyes. No matter where she went, they followed her, Stared straight into her, baring her soul with just a glance.

Clary gasped, her eyes flying open and her hands automatically fisting the bed sheets. Jace was above her, shirtless and glorious. His eyes were dark, and not just from the lack of light in his room.

"What? What is it?" He mumbled, bringing the hand that had been on her waist to her face, cupping her cheek. His cool hand was bliss against her burning face and she leaned into it, staring up at him as she tried to gather her scattered thoughts.

"It's…nothing. Just…" She gazed at him, hoping he would take the hint. She didn't want to say it, she'd said it too many times over the past few weeks. Jace simply nodded and fell into her again, his hands moving back to her waist and his face smothered against her neck. Clary gasped again, quietly, letting her hands trace down Jace's bare back. He was all warmth - but hadn't his hands just been cold? - his body on top of her filling her without actually being inside of her. His breath against her neck tickled and she gave a little shiver, getting lost in the feeling of Jace's body. His chest pressed against hers, his hands sliding up and down her sides, their bodies connected everywhere. Well…nearly everywhere.

She could feel him. He was on his knees, wedged between her legs, leaned over her and nipping at her neck. She could feel his want against the zipper of his jeans and Clary's blush was never fading. She wanted it as much as he did, she could feel in the pit of her stomach and an odd sensation between her thighs. Yet, each time she was taken over by the euphoria, shutting her eyes to appreciate it fully, she saw those eyes all over again.

Clary yelped as Jace wound his arm around her waist, pulling her up so her head was cushioned by the pillows. As his arm unwound from her, his elegant fingers closed around her shirt. She didn't wait for him to ask permission, she arched her back and he plucked the material off of her, retuning to her and colliding into her lips. Her nails dug into his shoulder and she was rewarded with a groan against her mouth. He kissed her hungrily, hands tangled in her hair. Clary felt the dizzying feeling assault her again and she reminded herself to breathe through her nose. Jace's appearance alone had the great power of making Clary forget normal things, like breathing. When he was above her like he was now, kissing her, creating fire in her, breathing was the last thing on her mind.

_It's all his fault. He's going to be the death of me. _Clary mused, mischievously catching his lip between her teeth. He jerked in surprise, his hips driving into hers. Clary released him and hissed a breath through her teeth. Just a couple pairs of jeans the only boundary they needed to break. Jace's hand slapped against the headboard and he loomed over her, cloudy eyes half-lidded. Very slowly he leaned down, head inclined towards hers so his lips brushed her ear as he spoke.

"I want you, Clary." He whispered and the simple rasp in his voice had electricity rolling through Clary's body, reaching way down to her toes. She felt the lightest brush between them and glanced down to see his other hand on the button of his jeans. Clary angled her head and found his eyes staring, asking, yearning. She couldn't speak, not even a whisper. She swallowed, her throat so dry it felt raw, then simply bowed her head twice.

That was all it took. Jace popped the button on his jeans and moved to capture her lips with his. He slid his tongue over her lip and she obediently opened to him, her breaths coming out faster to match the hammers of her heart. Clary yelped when she felt his hand move from his zipper to between her legs and she felt him smile against her lips. His hand performed torturously slow circles on her and she made an impatient whimper, squirming beneath him. When he made no move to quicken his pace, Clary slipped between them, her fingers closing around his wrist and moving his hand to the waistband of her jeans. Jace's breath caught and he kissed her harder, and everything else was forgotten. His lips overtook hers as he repositioned himself, coming to lay next to her and let his dominant hand do it's work. It was quick, Clary knew, but the aching in her made it feel like decades.

Jace nearly ripped the button of her pants free, barely getting the zipper down before he let his hand explore. Clary nearly came apart when he started the circles again, inside her pants yet over her underwear. She wondered if his hand was trembling or is her whole body was. She couldn't tell. It felt like the entire world was quaking.

He whispered her name, his breath hitching each time he spoke and when she responded with a moan he bit his lip, his hand pressing down a little firmer, the circles becoming quicker. The pulses between her thighs became stronger and she cried out, arching her back and fisting the sheets. Jace's free hand grabbed a fistful of her hair, turning her head and touching their foreheads. His eyes were as bright as she'd seen them in a long time.

"Clary, oh _Clary_." He growled in an almost incredulous tone, but she was lost. The room seemed like it was closing in on her, her chest tight as the breaths came out in gasps. She let her eyes fall shut shuddered, feeling all the heat in her body rally to where Jace's hand was. She could feel it coming, that feeling that left her with a spectacular high and rolling bliss. His hand was frantic against her core, spinning the circles as if his life depended on it. Her underwear had nearly slipped to the side and the thought of her bare skin being touched by Jace's brought her that closer to the edge. As if he read her mind, Jace nudged away the thin fabric and his fingers were on her, instantly wet and sticky and hot. A loud cry escaped Clary's lips before she could stop it and she instantly pushed herself against his palm, barely hearing Jace's moan over her own hysteria. Just a little more…she was almost there, just a little more…

Jace's hand became slick as it moved on her, making it easy for him to slip a finger into her. Her stomach clenched at the sudden arrival and the flashes immediately came back. Fingers pounding in and out of her, heavy breaths pouring over her, the feeling of yearning as she went off the deep end, closing around those fingers. And those disturbing excuse for eyes. Those dark tunnels replacing his eyes.

"_You are mine._"

"NO!" Clary shrieked, her green eyes flying wide as she jumped away from the body next to her. Her entire body was pulsing, the point her neck leaping out. Clary placed a hand over the spot, trying to steady it. As her body relaxed, any image of her brother tucked back into the drawer inside her mind, her eyes went to Jace. His face was a twist of confusion, shock and hurt, his hand still hovering in the air next to her. Still covered in her essence.

"Clary…" He muttered, brows furrowed as he leaned toward her. She flinched and he jerked back, eyes wide and perfect lips parted. Clary furiously shook her head at her own actions, her hands covering her face.

_Please, Jace. Don't look at me._ She thought, squeezing her eyes shut and gnashing her teeth together. Of course, her Jace was persistent.

"Clary." She didn't respond. Couldn't.

"Clary, talk to me. I thought…I thought you were past the…Clary, please." She simply shivered, curling her legs under her and trying to become smaller. She waited.

Eventually, Jace made an irritated noise and got up from the bed. She heard the soft pads of his bare feet against the floor, then the bathroom door slammed. A sigh shuddered out of Clary as she let her hands fall from her face and she stared at the bathroom door.

It had nearly been three months since the incident with Sebastian. Both Clary and Jace had a turn with the Mortal Sword and were questioned until their voices were hoarse. She thanked the Angel that she could answer all their questions truthfully without having to go into detail about what Sebastian did to her. The Clave had a good look at the marks he left on her and insinuated that he had tortured her, feeling merciful and letting her answer questions other than, "What did Jonathan _physically do to you_?"

Clary remorsefully glared down at her right arm, mentally cursing the haphazard lines scrawled there. She had tearfully begged Magnus to take them off, offering him money, IOU's, slave agreements. But every offer was shot down, and he even looked a little regrettable as he told her there was nothing he could do. Black magic. Demon magic. There was something about the substance he poured on her wound that made it stay right there, forever, but they didn't know what. Magnus mentioned he would look into it, but he had many other paying customers to attend to.

Three whole months of having her brother's initials permanently blasted into her skin like a cattle prodded by a farmer. The vulgar letters made her feel impure, despicable. A fly's corpse splattered across an otherwise sparkling clean windshield. But, they tried. Had tried. Were still trying. Jace's control to keep his hands to himself had gotten lost somewhere between his homecoming at the Institute after being controlled by Lilith's mark and their encounter with Sebastian. Clary wished they could talk so she could ask him about it…but she didn't have the strength. Jace had this way of asking all the right questions. (Or all the _wrong_ ones, depending if you were Clary or not.) And she knew if she asked him something personal, he would take it as if the ball was in his court, challenging with an intimate question of his own.

There were a few quicks raps on the door that stirred Clary's daydreaming and she sat up to see Isabelle striding in, her dark eyes searching the room, landing on Clary with a quirked brow.

"Where's Jace?"

"In the bathroom." Isabelle put her hands on her hips and stared at Clary.

"What?" She asked, defensively crossing her arms over her chest…realizing that she hadn't put her tank top back on. Her mouth popped into a little 'o' as she ambled off the bed, blindly searching for her shirt in the dark. Isabelle watched for a few seconds, then gave a sigh and flipped the switch on. Her eyes looked down at Clary as if she was a child. Not the brightest child, mind you.

Clary eventually found the shirt and pulled it over her head, turning back t Isabelle and willing her cheeks to stop burning.

"That red goes lovely with your hair." Isabelle commented, smiling at her own comment. Clary resisted the urge to cover her face.

"And that whip goes well with your personality." Isabelle barked out a laugh and Clary managed a small smile. She was going to ask Isabelle what she wanted, but she had already backed out of the room and was closing the door.

"Alec said he had walked by and heard you make a noise. Like you were crying." Isabelle rolled her eyes and shrugged, her dark hair falling off her shoulder and hanging down to her waist.

"I'm not sure what kind of noises gay men make in bed. Do they, like, _purr_ at each other or something? Pour over the newest issue of Cosmo?" Clary laughed at that one and Isabelle's smile widened, touching her eyes the way Clary rarely ever saw it do. She opened her mouth to respond when the bathroom door swung open and there was Jace. Lit up by the overhead light, his golden skin was somewhat shiny as if he'd been sweating. His hair was in a cozying disarray and - Clary couldn't help but linger on the thought - the button to his jeans was still undone, leaving visible an inch or two of skin and the waist band of his boxers. He was padding towards Clary, one of his hands rubbing his neck and she felt her heart beat unevenly. He was so gorgeous when he was like this. Simple wardrobe, messy hair, slick skin. It made Clary want to jump on him, wrestle him back to the bed…

Jace suddenly stood straighter, realizing Isabelle was halfway in the room. His face was a mask of calm as he raised a pale brow and glanced out the dark window.

"Are we under attack?" Isabelle blinked at his question, taken aback.

"What? No…why do you ask?"

"Well, I don't know any other reason as to why you would be in my room." Jace raised his chin, tapping it with one finger and gazing towards the ceiling.

"_Unless_, you wanted to see the show." Isabelle laughed, and shook her head.

"Oh please, I'm sure what you two do once I month I do every Saturday night. I have enough experience with the works of sex. I don't need to learn from anyone else." Her red lips lifted in a confident smile that left Clary feeling embarrassed. Jace, however…

"I said nothing about you wanting to learn from us, dear girl. I have the simple belief that you are a closet voyeur, Isabelle Lightwood." Silence hung in the room for a few moments until Isabelle huffed, spinning away from them and pulling the door shut. Clary thought she heard her mutter something along the lines of "pervert" or "pompous ass" and she felt her chest rumble with the oncoming laughter. She couldn't stop. It bellowed out of her and she doubled over, holding her stomach and trying to contain herself. Her squinted eyes found Jace and he was grinning, eventually laughing with her, his arms wrapping around her and he laughed into her shoulder. It was bliss. More than bliss, to hold him and laugh to the point of tears and feel like everything was okay.

Once they had sobered up, Jace stood there, arms wrapped around her shoulders and one hand carelessly playing with her curls.

"I'm sorry." She sighed against his chest and she felt him move, look down at her. She lifted her face to meet his gaze but it wasn't what she was expecting. He looked…angry.

"Clary, I don't know _how_ many times I have to tell you to _stop apologizing_. But, hopefully this will be the last time." He looked at her for a long time, his eyes slowly softening, barely a whisper of his voice coming from his lips.

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for."

"But, I do. I'm responsible for what happens to me, and whatever happens to me happens to you. I know that." Clary's heart was slowly being ripped to shreds. She couldn't look at Jace when he was staring at her like that. She felt like she was going to lose her screws and topple to the ground, a broken doll in need of repair. He was silent as he continued to stroke her hair. After awhile of being held, Clary started to feel the come down of the recent events and she easily pulled herself out of Jace's grasp.

"I'm going to take a shower…" She smiled at him and reached up on her tip-toes, her lips grazing his jaw. She turned toward the bathroom, but he caught her wrist and she twisted to look at him.

"I love you." He said, reaching down and kissing the inside of her wrist, just above Sebastian's initials. Clary took a deep breath and forced her smile back onto her face.

"I love you, too."

...

"Mom. Mom! Wake up!" Maryse's eyes opened up to a pair that looked so like hers. Her son stood in her gaze, face constricted anxiously. Maryse lifted herself from the desk she had fallen asleep on and laid her hand on his cheek.

"What's is it, Alexander?" Her son looked uncomfortable from her touch and averted his eyes away from her. It pained her to see what had become of their relationship. They had been close. Before he had taken a liking to Downworlders. _Male _Downworlders…

"The map. It's flashing a signal." Maryse stared, trying to process what her son said. The map? A signal? She bolt upright and turned, and saw the proof of Alexander's words; the map flickered at the same time the thread soaked in old blood pulsed. Her fingers skimmed where the map softly signaled where Valentine's son resided. She realized belatedly that she was touching New York and her heart jumped.

"Mother?" Alexander watched her curiously as she flung herself back to the desk, snatching the phone into her hand and pressing it to her ear, no need to dial.

"Maryse?" A voice she didn't recognize came over the line, but she didn't think twice.

"Valentine's son is in New York. Just next to Connecticut…he might be heading out to the water so we can't track him anymore. We need to get a team out there ASAP." The girl on the other line stuttered orders to someone and came back to the line with an excitement.

"Wonderful, Maryse! They're gathering a group and setting off in a few minutes. Call with any news of his whereabouts." Maryse nodded, asking the girl to keep her posted and hung up the phone, her chest swelling with hope.

"They're dispatching a team to go after him." She said quietly, her hands flat on the top of the desk. Her eyes went to her son and she saw him, awkward stance, looking over his shoulder towards the door.

"Alexander. You will _not_ give this new to the others. It is confidential as of now." His striking blue eyes flashed with anger, but he nodded to her, silently turning on his heel and leaving her alone. Maryse took a long breath, casting her eyes down. She would keep them safe. All of them. If they hated her for it, so be it. She was keeping them alive, one way or another. Maryse heard the door open again and she sighed, her fingers clenching.

"Alexander, this is not up for debate…" Her voice trailed off as she watched the door close. No one was coming in, someone was going out. There was a quick flash of long, dark hair as the door slowly came to a close and Maryse held in a gasp.

"Isabelle!" She yelled after her daughter, but knew it was too late. She'd be halfway down the hall to Jace's room by now. Maryse grabbed up the skirts of her dress and hurriedly exited the library, turning the opposite way Isabelle had gone and went for the elevator. She was _not _going to let these children get themselves killed.

...

"Six toes?!" Clary howled, clutching her aching stomach. Jace mocked an angry look down at her, scrubbing the page with an eraser.

"Maybe when you're brought up as a Mundane you grow an extra toe. To help with the clumsiness." Clary's sides ached as she shook with laughter, watching as Jace took another go at drawing the tiny baby foot. He gave up on the toes, making an oddly shaped socked-foot instead. She watched him, quietly laughing when he would give the baby version of her an extra finger or a mass of wild curls, sticking up off her head like Frankenstein's wife. He glanced down again, but this time with a grin, scrawling a mustache under her little baby nose.

"There! Picture perfect!" He laughed, holding the drawing pad out to admire his artwork. Clary put a hand over her mouth, trying to hide the giggles but at the same time, mocking amazement.

"What a masterpiece! Jace Lightwood will be the only one to paint my portrait from now on!" Though he knew she was making fun of him, he sent her a smug look, lips curled slightly at the corners.

"I know, I'm rather impressive, aren't I? Alright. Let me see yours." Clary shook her head, clutching her pad to her chest.

"No, no. Your's is too good. I am ashamed." His rumbling laughter shook the bed and he tilted his head toward her.

"Please, Clary Fray! I'm the biggest fan of your work!" Clary rolled her eyes, flipping the pad over and letting it lay on her lap. Jace snatched it, his golden eyes raking it up and down as if he was studying for an important test. He whistled low, looked down at her with brows raised.

"By the Angel, Clary. You are talented." Clary felt her cheeks flush and she tugged at the drawing, wondering if he was seeing something different from what she had drawn. But, it was the same. She drew baby Jace sitting in the grass, wearing nothing but a diaper. His eyes were squinted from the enormous smile on his face, a tuft of golden hair planted on his round head. His balled up fist were in the air, as if he was cheering, and his little baby body was round, chubby. Totally adorable and exactly what she imagined Jace had looked like as a baby.

"You know…" Jace's voice drawled, a light in his eyes that hadn't been there before.

"This could be our son." The smile on his face grew and Clary's heart was constricted. She let out a little laugh, turning back to the drawing and studying it. It could have been. A bouncing baby that had come from Clary herself, just resembled Jace more than anything else. She'd rather have it that way.

"Of course, he'd have my hair. None of that curlicue mop." He gestured at her head and she gave him a good thump on the shoulder. He grinned at her, leaning down and landing a swift kiss on her temple.

"But, he would need your eyes. I'd disown him if he got my eyes. Then, no girl would be safe from my son!" Jace shook his fist and Clary laughed, stuffing her face in his shoulder. Couldn't this moment go on forever? Her Jace talking about babies, holding her close, drawing to the best of his ability. It was the most fun she'd had in awhile.

A sense of Déjà vu overwhelmed her as Isabelle flew into the room, slamming the door and flipping the lock. Her eyes were wild and her chest was thundering. Clary sprung up off the bed, instantly grabbing her stele. Isabelle didn't have a look like that on her face very often, and when she did, you knew it was something that had to be taken serious.

"Iz? What's going on?"

"Get out. You need to leave." Though Clary didn't know the reasoning behind the words, they still stung. Jace slipped off the bed and came to Isabelle, he put a steady hand on her arm and Clary half-expected her to tear away from him. But, she stayed and frantically looked between him and Clary.

"Sebastian is coming. I know he is. My mother thinks he's going to the water, but he's coming after you. You need to go. Fast." Clary and Jace exchanged glances, an imperceptible nod from Jace and they held their ground. Isabelle stood up straighter, nearly the height of Jace and she gave them both stern looks.

"I came to tell you this so you would go in the _opposite direction_. I know you too, and though I knew it was a bad idea as well, I knew you needed to know. And, for my reward for overhearing such crucial information and passing it along, you will listen to me." When they said nothing, her lips pressed into a thin line and she stamped her foot.

"I'm not messing around, dammit! He's on his way, right now. God knows how little time it will take for him to demon his way over here, but that just means you need to go, like, YESTERDAY. I need you to go away from here and not go after him." Clary's arm started to burn and she absently rubbed the marks her brother had so _graciously _left on her.

"Isabelle. What in the world are you saying?" Jace's voice was quiet, but there was a slight waver. His eyes were hostile as he brought them up to Isabelle's then quickly away from her.

"You really think I'm not going after him? After all he's done." Isabelle's jaw dropped and she gestured wildly as she shouted.

"You think I don't want to go kill that bastard?! You think I'd rather kick my feet up and pretend he didn't murder my little brother?!" Clary blanched, intertwining her finger's with Jace's. The look on Isabelle's face was enough to kill an army. Jace squeezed her hand and let go, turning away from both the girls and walking towards the window. His body was stiff, replacing his usual graceful stride with little jerking steps.

"He was as much your little brother as he was mine. And Sebastian's still out there, Iz. He's still torturing my family." He turned, glaring towards them, but Clary could see in his eyes that the look wasn't meant for them. Her brother's name leaving Jace's lip made her arm twitch, the sensation taking a turn, becoming more of an ache than a burn.

"I'm not going to let him do that anymore." At that, Isabelle froze. For about half a second. Then she was marching towards him, nose-to-nose with him.

"I won't let you." She growled, and Clary thought she saw a tear drip it's way down the side of her face.

"Where do you expect us to go? Live life running from some cowardly demon spawn? No. No way in hell." Jace stuck her with a look that said he was done talking. It wasn't up to her to say where he went.

"Honestly, Isabelle. Did you really expect me to _agree_ with you?" He laughed once and shook his head. Clary tried not to listen to the silence that followed. It was louder than yelling.

So fast that Clary would have missed it had she blinked, Isabelle's hands shot out and pushed Jace away from her. He staggered, his face showing how caught off guard he'd been.

"Izzy!" Clary shouted, half infuriated, half horrified. But Isabelle was already gone, moving quicker than Clary had ever seen her move, she flipped the lock on the door and was dashing down the hall without another word. Clary nearly made a move to go after her, but Jace barked her name, his face resolutely set in a grimace.

"Can you do this?" He asked, so quietly she could barely hear him. She was suddenly very light-headed, feeling as if her had left the ground and were somewhere else entirely. She swallowed her fears as soon as they started to crawl up her spine, finding her legs and coming to stand in front of Jace.

"Yeah, I'm ready." His eyes softened on her and he nodded once, kissing her once before padding out the door, towards the weapon room. Clary watched him go and found herself nervously toying with the Morgenstern ring around her neck. Her arm was itching and she longed to scratch it, scratch it until the initials were gone and there was only raw skin, muscle and bone. She was still coping with the dizzying feeling as she slowly pulled her gear on. They would kill him this time. They wouldn't be overtaken…they wouldn't let him escape. Just the thought of killing him gave her a headache and she had to steady herself on the wall next to the wardrobe. Her stomach clenched and she grit her teeth against the feeling of bile in the back of her throat. She had to be strong. She was never going to kill him if she couldn't even get dressed…

Clary's eyes lazily swept over the wardrobe and just before she shut them again, she saw something. Her arm. The fine pink scarring had become an angry red and the blue veins in her arm were pushed up against the barrier of her fair skin. Her lips parted in pain as her arm felt that burning, pulling sensation. As if someone was pulling a needle and thread through her skin.

"J-Jace!" She called, hoping he would be on his way back. Her head swam, the angry letters; _J C M _all she could see, the rest of her vision became foggy, dark around the edges like she was looking through tunnels…

_Now, why did she have to ruin all the fun? _Clary cried out and held her head in her hands, the headache turning into a drilling surge of agony knocking into the center of her brain.

_My visit was supposed to be a surprise. You know, I love surprises sweetheart. I guess we'll just have to wait until you find me…_

Clary screamed, feeling as if someone was reaching inside of her, closing their hand around her heart and squeezing. Like a pull cord, the hand yanked her heart and she fell into darkness. No sounds, no feelings, just dropping into unconsciousness like she would float along Lake Lyn.


	3. Demain

**A/N: Thank you for all the support my dearest readers. :)**

**Apologies for the delay. I place the blame on all of the wonderful writers on this site for making me feel a lighter, more loving side of a story. My dark, evil muse is back now and hopefully it never leaves me again.**

**Jocelyn might be a tad OOC since I never really took interest in her. I am a much bigger fan of Maryse than I am of over-protective, harebrained Mommy J. (Sorry Jocelyn fans…she still has a place in my heart, it's just not that big.)**

* * *

Sebastian hissed a breath as he stripped his jacket from his shoulders, glancing down at his new white button-up. It was ruined, entirely drenched in dark blood and he realized, as he peeled the material away from his chest, it was still wet.

He regarded the bloody tips of his fingers curiously before bringing them to his lips, absently sucking away as he drew an _iratze_ over his ribs. Just by the size of the wound he knew he would have a scar, and it would rest just next to the one his sister gave him months before. A smile flit over his mouth as he thought of his sister, sneakily jamming the dagger into his body without a thought. She was so like him. Smart, devious, gorgeous…they belonged to one another more than she would ever know. Sebastian lay back on the shabby motel bed and let the _iratze'_s power spread, feeling the slow work knit his wound closed.

His plan had worked flawlessly, as they always had. Fade the glamour for a few minutes, roam around the borders between New York and Connecticut for a while, leaving a silly trail for all the Clave-goers to piss themselves over. The only hiccup being his little friend _Avnus, _the demon he had resurrected to give him information in exchange for human souls. A grave mistake on his part trying to take Sebastian's soul, especially since he wasn't human. After he dealt with that pest, he coated himself again, appearing on the outskirts of a small city named Livingston. Of course, they would be scouting around, waiting for Valentine's son to show himself. They wouldn't find him. He prided in his powerful glamour, able to overcome the Voyance runes. Now if he summoned any demons to him, that would be another story…

As the high of the _iratze _slowly unfurled inside him, he lifted himself from the mattress and sauntered over to the sub-par bathroom. He could see the tile had been white when it was installed, now it was stained yellow and chipped like unhealthy teeth. Sebastian peeked around the washed-out blue curtain to see the showerhead, caked with scum. He was revolted, but it was better than any showers the Clave's prisons had. He stripped off his filthy clothes, gingerly stepped in the tub and glared at the showerhead as it sputtered to life, spraying him unevenly with freezing water.

The motel complimentary soap smelled like stale woodchips. The shampoo and conditioner like burnt sugar. Sebastian could very easily ignore the smells and the feel of gritty soap as his mind drifted back to Clarissa. She was still unconscious. It had been about an hour since he put her to sleep and he knew well enough that Angel Boy wouldn't go anywhere without her. He stepped out of the filthy shower and stared at his foggy reflection in the mirror. Anger rose in him like a geyser, a volcanic need to burst from him. But, he saved it. He saved it for when he wouldn't need his younger brother anymore. He saved it for that final battle between angel and demon. Yes, Clarissa would be angry. She would scream and cry and hate him…but, she would come around.

Sebastian's eyes raked his reflection, the question he had asked himself countless times buzzing inside his brain.

_What does he have that I don't? _It had to be the goodie-goodie façade he put on. The soft eyes he had when he watched her sleep, the coy glances he risked when he knew she was looking at him, the gentle touch he used against her skin. Sebastian clenched his jaw so tight it popped more than once.

_She is mine. That skin, that hair, those eyes. They're mine. All mine._ Sebastian tried to calm his breathing as he fanaticized snapping Jace's twig-like neck. It was a few minutes before he realized he was being sprayed again, this time from the sink. His eyes lazily scanned over the faucet and found that it wasn't there - just a stream of water. He brought his hand up to cover the water and spotted something shiny, clutched in his palm.

Calmly, he positioned the faucet back over the water, though it didn't come back together. Sebastian dropped it into the sink, leaving the water to continuously spill out as he returned to the bedroom. He had been so focused on the thought of Jace's blood on his hands he hadn't felt that pull from Clary. She was awake.

Sebastian smiled, stretching out on the bed and lazily rubbing his chest where she had stabbed him. It was so much fun toying with her.

* * *

She dreamt of an icy wasteland. So coated in ice and slush that absolutely nothing living could inhabit it. Except her, as she walked across the snow covered earth, her bare feet burning, she came to stand in a circle of lifeless trees. Every tree stripped of it's leaves, naked branches a dull gray color.

In the center of the trees, there was a wooden box. As she came closer she realized it was the box her mother kept for so many years, the one with the lock of her brother's fair hair, the one that she'd cry hours over. Clary felt this didn't matter as she picked it off the frozen floor, letting her fingers glide over the spot where her brother's initials were etched in. Her hand very gently lifted the lid open, an inch at first, then flipping it open to find the box…empty.

_No…_ Clary fished inside the box, seemingly deeper than it looked, and clutched the lock of hair in her slight fingers. She stared at it, confused. Why would Sebastian's hair have blood on it? It was as if someone had dipped the entire snippet into a cup of blood, dying it crimson.

As she tried to decipher why the lock of hair in the box was red, clouds ventured in front of the sun, making it hard for her to see. Her eyes squinted, as she let her head fall back to find where the sun had gone to…

It wasn't the sun being covered. There was no sky for the sun to live in. A hand the size of Raziel's was pulling the lid over her, trapping her in a box just like the one she was holding. As the last few inches closed, she could have sworn she saw deep, dark, tunneling eyes peek between the cracks…

"_STOP_!" Clary felt her entire body jolt, her muscles springing into action. She felt hands on her and tried to listen to the consoling whispers, but her body acted on it's own. Her fist whipped out, connecting with someone, and she backed herself against a wall, popping her eyes open and instantly gunning up…

A normal ceiling. Like the one in Jace's room…. Clary blinked, lifting her shaking hands and searching for the box she had had only seconds ago. As the haze of sleep sluggishly left her she sagged against the cold stone and reluctantly rose her attention to the two figures standing in front of her.

Isabelle and Alec regarded her like she was a misbehaving pet, Alec rubbing his chest with a grudging look on his face.

"Want to tell us what _that _was about?" Isabelle inquired loudly into the silence and Clary flinched from the contrast.

"Bad dream." She mumbled, shooting Alec a small, apologetic smile. The siblings exchanged glances that was more like a silent conversation. Clary's face reddened. She hated being talked about, even if there were no words to the discussion. Eventually her mind was clear of all the fog and she perked when she didn't find a third body in the room. Her heart spiked as she thought of Jace running off without her. He wouldn't do that…would he? It wasn't like he hadn't run off before to hunt someone down…

"Where's Jace?" Her heart quickened when Isabelle's perfectly arched brows knitted together. _No. No Jace, you didn't…_

"He's in the…um, training room." Clary twisted, her hand already on the knob but Isabelle called out to her.

"Clary, I don't think you should go." Clary turned in time to see Alec staring incredulously at his sister. Isabelle's chin jut out, her arms crossed over her chest becoming a spitting image of her headstrong mother. A small shock of anger rose in Clary's chest but she let it simmer there.

"Izzy, I know you mean well, but - "

"No. It's not about keeping you from Sebastian. It's about Jace." Clary glanced at the door, as if she could see right through it, see through the walls to Jace.

"What about Jace?"

"He's not…good right now." Isabelle tilted her head in a way that urged Clary to understand. But she didn't. If Jace wasn't "good", Clary could make him good again. The least she could do was try.

Clary simply nodded toward the siblings and turned the knob still in her hand, halfway out the door when she felt Isabelle's hand on her arm, tugging her back in.

"Izzy!" Clary heard Alec half-shout and she slowly turned, swallowing the fire that rose in her. What had gotten into Isabelle? Why was she being so protective all of a sudden?

"Okay, I lied." Isabelle said, her chin still high in the air.

"Well - not really lied - what I meant to say is: it's not _all _about keeping you two away from Sebastian. But, that is the main part." Her hand tightened on Clary's arm just for a second, a squeeze that would usually be comforting. Now it was something that Clary couldn't even place.

"Isabelle, we can't just sit here and hope that the Clave gets to him in time. Wehave to get to him. I mean, he practically _welcomed _us the last time we found him." As the words left Clary's lips she had to stop herself from running her fingers along the scars that show bright red on her right arm. It began to itch again, almost a painful feeling, but nothing like it had been before she fainted. She stared directly into Isabelle's dark eyes until they flicked to the floor, her hand falling to her side. Neither of the siblings said anything so Clary continued.

"He is a psychopath. I complete lunatic that you've only seen part of, Iz. You've fought him, I know, but…Me and Jace? We had front row seats to his…evilness. I can't explain it - I just - _we _just need to…" Clary trailed off, watching Isabelle's head sag lower and lower until it was hanging from her shoulders, staring at her feet. Alec muttered something and bee-lined to the door, leaving it ajar as he left. Clary glanced at him as he passed. His jaw set and his eyes looking straight forward, yet unfocused, like he wasn't seeing what was in front of him. Clary wondered if he was thinking about Max, and she let out a shaky breath as her mind's eye found that small, lanky boy with the big eyes, peeking over the latest issue of _Naruto_. She couldn't bring him up. It felt too much like it was her own fault, having a murderous brother that killed innocent children.

"You just don't get it, do you?" Isabelle's quiet voice interrupted Clary's thoughts and her eyes found the girl back in her stance from before, arms crossed, one leg snapped out from the other. But her eyes held a different light. Not the stubborn tinge they usually had, something more of a look Clary's mother would give her. She simply stared, waiting for the scolding to come.

"I get it. I understand what you mean. I've experienced more than enough of that monster to want to kill him over and over again. I _get_ it that you need to send him back to whatever Hell he came from." Clary flinched, giving in and holding her arm to her stomach. She hadn't thought of that. Her brother folding in on himself or melting into a puddle of ichor, vanishing off into another dimension. Never really dead…

"Clary." Isabelle whispered and Clary's eyes slowly trailed back to her. Her dark eyes were pleading, her mouth pressed into a thin line.

"We just got you two back. Thank the Angel you were in whole pieces. In some ways." Her eyes flicked up and down Clary once before she took a step forward.

"After what happened at the Seventh Sacred Site, when you were almost brainwashed, Jace _was_ brainwashed, you having to shove a _sword_ through my brother. Then…the Insigno…" Her hand reached out towards Clary but simply hung in the air.

"I don't know what happened there," She said so quietly Clary had to hold her breath to hear.

"But something serious happened. Something you two aren't letting us in on. I don't want it to happen again. Or something even worse…I don't want - " Isabelle gave a frustrated sigh and brought her hand away from Clary to rub at her eyes. Clary felt all the anger rush away, replaced by guilt. Of course Isabelle meant well - she meant better than anyone else. She wasn't trying to treat Clary and Jace like her children, she was simply looking out for them the best way she could. Isabelle barely ever opened up about anything, and here she was, practically baring her soul and Clary had been gearing up to walk out the door.

"Izzy…" Clary reached out to touch Isabelle's arm, but she stepped back. The glint of obstinacy had returned to her eyes and her lips wore a slight frown.

"Besides, they lost him. He stopped showing up on the map and no one is going to let you out of the Institute when you're acting all narcoleptic. Maybe in your free time you should call your mom. She's been blowing up your phone again." She gave a shrug and moved around Clary, pushing the door our of her way as she strode away from Jace's room. Clary was left standing in the room by herself, her mind whirring. Of course her mom would be worried, Maryse more than likely blabbed that she had fainted. Hopefully it was nothing like the anxiety attack she had when Clary had first seen her after the Insigno. Her mother fawned over her like she was nine-years-old again. Clary tried to keep it hidden, tried to keep everything inside and console her mother, tried to convince her that she looked worse than she felt.

Jocelyn had a fit about keeping her at Luke's house, how she was going to get a new house where they could call home and live comfortably. But, her mother was…merciful. It was the genius idea of Isabelle's to wear a long-sleeved sweater over the bandaged cuts on her arm. Had her mother seen the initials in her skin she would have whisked her away from the Institute and locked her up in a tower somewhere - the frizzy red-headed Rapunzel.

Clary let her eyes rake over the room until she found her cell phone lying quietly on the side table. The cold metal made her fingers feel lifeless as she flipped the thing open and found the time. It was late and the last call from her mother had been nearly two and a half hours ago. Clary sighed as she hit a button and listened to the rings. Though Clary knew her mom wasn't someone who answered on the last few rings, she waited until the automated voice came on and the voicemail silently waited for her to speak.

"Sorry I didn't answer, Mom. I'm sure someone has let you know what's going on…I'll be home tomorrow. Love you." Clary snapped the phone shut and stared at the little front screen, watching it dim until it went completely black. Her mind wandered to Luke, who was still equally worried for her when she had come home that day. He had this way about him that calmed her mother down easier than anyone else could. A way of convincing her that even Clary couldn't do. The simple things he said seemed to mean something more to Jocelyn just because it came from him and no one else.

Clary inhaled deeply, remembering when he smiled at her mother, a reassuring smile that silenced Jocelyn.

"She's not hobbling in on one leg, is she? You've had worse, Jocelyn. Much worse. I've seen it. Besides, she's not going to be stupid and do that again. Right?"

Of course, Luke needed to be convinced as much as Jocelyn had been. Clary didn't know how Jace did it, but it took a whispered, man-to-man conversation in the corner of Luke's meek living room to get Clary out of the house and back into the free world. After she had been grounded for three days, evidently.

Her mother was more than wary when she stayed the night at the Institute and she made sure to bring it up each and every time Clary came home. Though, Luke had corrupted her enough so that she wasn't carting Clary back to Magnus Bane's apartment, her mother's old, protective ways still poked through the surface often. Which was all the more reason to stay away from her while her and Jace searched for their target.

Jace had told her not to call it that, that it sounded too much like some kind of spy thriller when she said it that way. But it was easier for her to think of Sebastian as just a target than to think of him as her brother she never _really_ knew. The brother she was going to kill and not think twice about it…

_Sleep well?_ Clary's green eyes had shut by themselves as her mind traveled away from her body, but now they exploded open, her phone that had still been in her hand dropped with a hard clatter on the stone floor. She thought she could hear someone chuckle but as she twisted around the room, there was no one around her.

_Didn't mean to surprise you, sweetheart. I got this feeling you were thinking about me and thought I'd stop by and say hello._

_No…_ Clary thought, holding her bowed head between her palms.

_It was just part of the fainting. I was delusional, just my head cooking things up on it's own. There's no voice. _She repeated it in her own head over and over. She was making this up. Her mind was playing tricks on her just like it usually did. There was an illness that made you relive traumatic events…Clary had read about it somewhere and was now absolutely sure that it was just some kind of PTSD she was experiencing. If she focused, it would go away…there was no voice except her own…no one in her head except herself…

_You done with that? Because I was really hoping to talk to you, not listen to you ramble to yourself like a neurotic. _Clary's breath came out in a squeak and she froze for about half a second. Her mind worked quick as she sprinted back over to the door and pushed it closed with a loud slam. She backed pedaled until the backs of her knees hit the bed and she sat, peering up at the ceiling as if she could get a glimpse of the voice's owner.

_How are you doing this? _Clary wondered, thinking back to when her and Simon talked through the Faerie rings. This was different somehow. Like the voice had some kind of embodiment in her head, it was powerful and overruled most of her thoughts.

_Now now Clarissa, all the answers will come in due time. Right now, I'd just like to chat._

_I don't want to _chat _with you. I want to know why the hell you're in my head. _Clary thought he sighed but she couldn't be sure. She could feel it more than hear it and it sickened her.

_Do you remember what I instilled onto your arm? It was to heal it, you know. But, it isn't exactly made for your kind. With a little…preparation on my part I created a sort of…bond between us. It's a good thing. Siblings should bond. _

_I'm pretty sure I don't want to do any _bonding _with you. Your definition of that word isn't…right._

_True. The kind of bonding I'd like to do with you, my dear, isn't exactly what your Isabelle and Alec would be caught doing with each other._

An image of her brother wearing one of those twisted grins floated around Clary's mind. She shook it away and took a breath, trying to choose her words carefully.

_Since that's out of the way, what do you want? I know you didn't do this just so you could ramble about all things that are vulgar._

_Have you told Jace yet? _Clary blanched. That certainly wasn't what she was expecting.

_Told him what? That I'm crazy and I'm imagining a voice in my head? _The low chuckle that seemed to gush from the walls around her made Clary shiver. She instinctively brought her arms up, hugging them around herself.

_You aren't crazy, Clarissa. This is me speaking to you. I could give you proof if you'd like it._

_Don't do anything to me. _Another chuckle and a sigh. Clary felt her temperature rise. It was all a game to him.

_You don't know any French, do you sweetheart? Nous serons bientôt ensemble. There, how could you imagine something up if you know nothing about it? _Clary gnashed her teeth together and hastily rubbed up and down her arms.

_Just get out. Leave me alone. _

_You don't want to hear my proposition first? _Clary froze, staring at her socked feet. A proposition with evil…deal with the devil? Clary's mind worked slowly, like the gears in her head needed to be oiled. Maybe she should tell Jace…he wouldn't be fond of the idea in the first place, but if he found out it had been happening and she didn't say anything, he'd really be upset.

_The only thing I want to hear from you is silence. _Clary said, nodding to herself as she stood, halfway to the door when his words froze her in place a second time.

_Clarissa, I need you. _The desperation in his voice had Clary bewildered, standing between the bed and the door, waiting. An honest plea, sounding innocent and sincere.

_You're faking. I know it._

_No. I do, I need you. In an inconceivable amount of ways. Our father left things behind that I need…your assistance with._

Clary was dumbfounded. Sebastian was asking her for help? She sputtered to herself, gesturing around the room as if he could see her. Her hate had reached the brink, but she was so full of fury and confusion she couldn't focus long enough to articulate any words that made sense. Besides a few choice words she would never say in front of her mother. She sat there for a long time, waiting for her blood to stop boiling underneath her skin. It was all silence in her head and as Clary rose her eyes back to the door, she wondered if her brother had left. Switched off whatever frequency it was that connected them.

Her mind turning back to Jace, Clary timidly made her way to the door, opening the door automatically and stepping out, immersed in her thoughts. It was a lie, of course. He simply wanted to get a hold of her to use her as bait and do "whatever he pleased". Clary shivered again, the Institute a blur as she passed vacant rooms and padded down empty hallways. Telling Jace was a good and bad idea. He was already worried about her, more so since they couldn't talk about the Insigno incident. But, what if she couldn't handle this herself? She was still duking it out in her head when she found herself face-to-face with the door that shut Jace inside the training room. She hesitated, then continued to stand outside like a lost puppy.

_I know you want to find me._ The soft return of her brother's voice nearly made Clary's knees give out. She made a muffled noise of surprised, reeling away from the door.

_It's obvious. You want to find me as much as I want to find you._

_That's stupid. You know where I am. _Clary regretted her words as soon as they left her. It wasn't easy to communicate this way - usually she would hear the words in her head first, then release them from her lips. Now, whatever happened to pop into her head was almost instantly heard by Sebastian.

_Very true, dear sister._ He sounded amused and Clary resisted the urge to punch the stone wall beside her.

_My point is, I know how hard you've been trying to get to me. Here I am, asking for you to come to me, willingly giving myself to you and you aren't going to accept? _Clary thought for awhile, pictures of her smirking brother and flashes of his eyes peeking between the cracks of a closing lid. Then she thought of Jace as he watched helplessly, the pained look in his eyes slowly turning into hate, disgust, insanity. Clary ripped her eyes away from the door and stared at her hands instead.

_What's the catch? _The chuckle came again, louder this time.

_You are so like me, Clarissa. There is no catch. I just ask, seeing as how I've only invited you, that you bring no guests. _Clary scrubbed at her face, suddenly feeling exhausted. Could she really keep something like this from Jace? She had a tendency to melt in his hands and, of course, if he knew he would be on her day after day, watching her like a hawk. But, this way, she could do it. She could cozy up to him, make him trust her. Somehow she could do it, and then all she would have to do is…kill him.

_When were you planning on this to happen?_

_Whenever you're ready, sweetheart. _Clary swallowed, her lips parting as she mouthed the words she wanted so badly to say aloud.

_Fine. Tomorrow I'll -_

"Clary?" Jace's voice flung Clary's heart up into her throat. Her head snapped up and off-guard green meant inquisitive gold.

_Jace._ She thought his name without a moments hesitation and immediately wondered why. Like she needed to give Sebastian any info about who she was around.

_Guess that's my cue to leave. You're way too easy to read, little sister. And you can't lie to your Angel Boy…or can you?_ His voice seemed to fade but Clary ignored it, throwing on a relieved smile for show.

"I was trying to find you." Jace tilted his head, pulling the towel out from around his shoulders and fluffing his hair with it. He had been sweating a lot, apparently. His hair, though partly dry, was sticking up in little tufts and the curls were plastered against his forehead. He had a few large, dark spots on his simple white shirt and two rosy patches replaced the normal bronze of his cheeks. Clary carefully rubbed the backs of her fingers down his arm. It was warm to the touch and sticky with sweat.

"You alright?" He muttered and she met his eyes again, all soft with concern and searching. She smiled, though it felt foreign on her mouth.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"You just faint all the time, do you? And, you seem a little…distracted." Those golden eyes never let up on her as if they already knew. Clary simply shook her head, turning back down the hall towards the rooms.

"Nope, I'm alright now." She glanced back to see Jace's wary gaze come closer, following behind her as they trailed.

"If you say so." He muttered behind her, not sounding convinced in the least bit. She took a few long breaths before she smiled again, slowing her stride so they were side by side.

"You know, you worry a lot." Jace's brow quirked, but he simply shrugged.

"You are a very worrisome girl, Clary Fray."

_You don't know the half of it. _Clary thought, her heart faltering as Jace entwined his fingers with hers.


End file.
